I nEed To Move On!!

che im soo angry with my pathetic self..... well me an my guy fought as usual on my birthday an yes somehow made our way into making it up! so here we r supoosedly together.... what sucks is i have a totally diffrent way of perception frm him abt luv an relationships... according to himmmmmm

1. boyfriends are almost like best friends!

counter 1>> well they arent to tell you the truth. maybe two souls got around feel all mushy an stuff while being gud buddies. but the very second one feels this love, it changes the whole dimension of things... u cant be tat friend u wer b4... u change he changes frm tat very second... its not ok anymore to hang up the phone suddenly... its not ok anymore to talk abt other girls.... its not ok anymore if ppl just say a hi bye once a day. life isnt like those nice clinches we hear across by world beauties,,,, its rather a tough battle ! wat gets me on is tat these same fellows who when initially started liking us

1. would call every second [ never utttering anything abt balance issues]
2. would send a thousand feel gud smses hand written by them big ones at that
3. would send cheesy lines like" a mastermind is waiting to talk to you on phone tonight"
4. would even end up speaking with u frm 12 at night till 4 in morning...[their mums don bother them during those times at all]
   
5. would not hurt u at all....would keep those lill hand made cards we used to make for them or even chits we passed out in class...
   
6. would find us cute.... an would spend hours staring at us in class...
7. would come online for yoursake always
8. wouldnt utter a word abt being busy with friends.... its a make believe world werein its like they r only giving promionence to u.....
   
9. would do anything in the world just for us to utter out an yes to themmm!!

now here comes the next phase,,,, here u r suddenly having said a yes to a gud who until moments ago was ur best friend. relationship saga goes this way...

1. oooh noo... no balance left no calls.. r atleast u r gonna spend for calls from now.
2. well a cheap bloody one liner u get wen an ass of ur boyfriend has 500 free smses per day... reason he is busy with his mates!! bye bye long smes,.,, until ofcourse its some mood lifting topic of his!!
3. haha.... nowadays its only me who initialise ta smses first or even call him first... ta master mind is missing maybe runaway to the forbidden forest i guess!
   
4. woohoo night talks huh? i tell u frm experience ur guy suddely luves his frnds so much more tat he would have consumed all his time chatting every second with them wen at home tat wen i call his mommy will start scolding him to put ta phone down.,well ttats either a sign tat says hes not wanting to waste his bachelorette of a night with me of all ppl..... or well huh its just n inroduction of how teriifying rude my to be mom in law can be later!!
   

5.welll here is another,,, wen we fell in love initially r even b4 tat i tell u we used to even collect ta water packets we shared togetehr,,, now well i see tat card i made in my sound tech class sitting in first bench for our aniversary with such difficulty given back to me ta very sec i gav it telliin his mom will kill him if found out... an later another day fallen on the floor of our class....!!

6. well i guess this is ta stage u cum to knw ur guy finds even your frnds much cuter... there r days we use dto share lunch together in canteen an well he is consatly observing women frm all sides!! maybe he verbally tells im amazing but still him staring at thin sluty girls humiliates me!

7. i tell you we used to always be online b4 an chat like hell now its all gonee its been like sooo many months since i even enjoyed sending audibles to him online!! he is onlinee always only wen i aint... dunno y it always happens tat way... example now too im waiting endlessly for 3 hours an he is not available! he is busy with frnds i guess!

8. well frnds have becum his whole new world to him.... those characters who wernt talked abt with importance b4 have becum tat kind of buddies who he will even die for! its years since i havent heard tat "your call is waiting pls try aging later line from his cell wen i call..... he is always on phone with them.. always goin for treats an movie. pathetic tat we havent even seriously gone out for even one walk lest a date initiated by him!

9. well maybe in some ways he tries being nice... sometimes he dosent realise im sitting out der giving up on alll my frnd frnd chat with other buddies waiting for him an he finds his frnd who is jus a street away who can always be met anytime moreimportant.........
well ta day i started this blog i was really pissed with this sea change..... an wanted to advice ppl who r best frnds an having crush on other to not confess love too soon......... u will eventually miss tat idiot who used to play tic tac toe with you or even miss teasing him with a hundred girls jus to make him blush...... ppl change an evovle into diffrent species wit time...! i can never get bak those days.... an i want ppl to enjoy tat phase for a longer period than jumpin into decsions!! yes love is a sweet feeling i have always felt nice sometimes but well i guess both of us r too immature to undersatnd each other an forgive each other at this age...... time will make us evolve into a sweet happy couple i say!!

but i made myself left outt!

words felt by me the day tat was supposed to be really evntful....
place:surrounded by trees behind my department
time: 2pm
company: alone
state: sadness


i feel sick lonely an unwanted;
cant believe god planned this for me today....
dearest tree werent you there to stay through my everything?
frm the time i feel in crush with my guy...
to the times we spent chatting by your shade
every evening smiling an cracking jokes...
frm the day i held his warm hands
frm the time i realised wats love an the timeee we loved an confessed...
frm the time he used to love gazing at me an u onlooking...
those blushes an smiles...
those feelings felt so surrreal...
there wer times i used to seek solace by ur quiet breeze
there wer times i used to shout out to u how much i luv him
there wer times i fought sillyly an cried under u
but todayyyy was different...
the leaves tat saw me an him lovee b4 wer falling
there wer all but yellow an dead....
sad an depresing it was to watch u die an watch new leaves gleaming
there no more will be proof
that there was me an my guy who luved each other
there will be noone to tell how his love was in ta start.....
noone to prove how bitter an nonundersatnding he has becum now....
ur r all dying an leaving me alone
in this depressing world with him......
y couldnt anyone tell me it kills to luv?
ur green new babies saw me cry......
cry alone in sadness unable to accept life,,,
but all they culd do was show breeze an ease me down for sometime...
only i knw how it felt....
i felt like dying tat very moment haging frm ur branches....
it indeed happend to be a day to rembr finally......
i don want him anymoree
i cant get over ta grief tat god made a complete mess
an mockery into my life....
not even self harmin will ease this pain.....
thanks a lot dear tree....thanks a lot god!

ExCitEd an JitteRy!!

• goshhhh! seems like jus yesterday i turned a teenager now in less than 3 hours im goin be completing 19years~~`` im nervous im excited im jumping im anxious im sad im no more a child.... im feelingg so differrent.....its like i got triple times bolder an stronger now...compared to wat a lousy cry baby i was all year!! my resolutionssss in my 19th year is gonna beee >no more crying over old granny issues an boyfriend tales >no more sulking over friendsss.....i have got a whole bunch of gud ones outside my coll... >gonna be in regular touch with my skool buddies
• being as usual good in studies and other activites
• eating less an being much healthier,,,,
• musttttt hit the gym an shed those last few kilos tat prevent me frm callin myself slim r atheletic build in orkut as i am always in the moderate range which sucks
• mustt be able to get a car licence by next bdayyy
• must be an expert in baking cakess[ well im on the learning spree rite now]
• an image an room makeover a mustttt....
• get more comfortable socializing with everyone
• being a much better an famous blogger beating arvind!! lol...

well having my photography exam tmrw.... im nervous... feeling excited too cause my skool buddies will hopefullly wish me 2nite...... it feels so gud wen ppl remmbr you on ur birthday esp ones who u arent in regular touch with!! praying to god everything goes well..... tats all for now. by the way im already 19 in korea as its past 12 midnight der!! [[my bro the first caller!!luvv him]]
so the princess is all set to be glossy an glitzy tmrw.... lets hope she hails happily forver!! lol..