~dementor ..shooo go away!~

well lets start this by explaining my useless life updates now.....

things that havent changed as yet

• my boyfriend and my love for him
• my anger
• my tearssss i vent out on an off
• my eating habits!
  
• my tummy! which is never planning to reduce by magic....
• my messy face wit a new pimple every week.... which so bloody sucks as usual.
• myyy fights with my best buddy.
• my urge to be an obideint studious girl in class.
• the fact that i can ask my guy im hungry and to take me to the canteen.
• the fact that i can ask lill lill helps from him... like lifting my bag holding my library books.
• the way my guy walks pleading me all way home on fights.
• the way my so called "friends" in college portray thieramazing attitude world....... wer affection or care is a word they dont know.... and if they mistakingly show it its for sheer publicity!
• the fact i love my parents.... and the fact today i actually realised my moommy luvs me way too much!
• the fact that i don mind doing stuff like cooking dishes or making cards for my guy.
• my love to late night talks....
• my aspiration to be a slim self by end of this year....
• my forgetfull nature will remain till deadth.
• my consern for my pretty babe pika.....who is entangled with ho so many guys.... just hope she is happy!
• my madness to my guy! nothing cant compete to this madness.....
• my adament attitude!
• the way im so irritable not in touch with my awesum skool buddies! i hate for doing this..... i luv them but cant shell time out!! ppl thank me nowadays if i send a sms to them u knw!! that level.....
• the way i wweeeeeep endlessly listening to "bang bang" by nancy in KILLbill.....

• the way i get so mad on sad song lyrics and agrevate my already down mood with such songs!! [[[mockingbird- eminem,do you know- enrique,when your gone- avril,hurt- christina

30 minute- tatu,missing,bring me to life- evanesence,bang bang- nancy..... in my playlist for the past hour!!]]]]

• the way i try to upset my whole family every morning by rushing late to coll....
• the way i tear good memories when im upste[ tore the valentines day card i gav to my guy today out of anger.......:(]
• the way i so totally feel fish out of water in coll!! irritable friends who arent worth to b called frnds!! y couldnt pika study wit me! i so bloody want my skool frnds bak! misssss them!
• the way i missssss my skool gang >>pika,gowri,prat,sushi,sankara! cha we so bloodyyyy rocked as girfriends! and i miss gowri an prat the mostttt cause i used to luv thier carefree attitude!
• the fact i write posts only when im upset in this blog!! lol......
• the fact i get irritated wen my guy checks other girls out.....
• the fact i neeed my bro now right here for psychotherapy..... as im nil on self confidence
  
• nah..... i will go endlessly this way lets move to point two!

things that have changed

• my guys attitude shower in recent times.....
• no more gifts or mails or scraps online, or ecards from my guy.....
• the fact i may never even get a silver ring even my guys ex was gifted with on valentines day......!
• no more intresting convos with my guy,,,,,, hes busy and its me who has to adjust,compromise, move on with some other work.
• the fact i dont get to hold hands under the desk with him anymore....... :(
• the fact that he feels its ok to let me walk alone aftr a fight... [ worst day>saarang...... i left my money wit him..... i had an arguement.... and wen i left he din care abt me.... he jus let me go..... i walked all way home! which is so bloody far and also a risky trip!]
• the fact i not only feel fish out of water in clas... i hav also started hating my class.... wuldnt mind discontinung an goin sum wer!
• the fact though i don luv my class.... i feel so bloody comfortable wit few juniors an many seniors,,,,,!
• the fact that i hav got new contacts now.... :)
• the fact that i sumtimes don feel like sleepin wit ta teddy my guy gifted.....!
• the fact im crazy abt my guy to ta extent i would even fall at his feet to be sorry foor sumthing!
• the fact that im losing momentum wit my intensity levels wit my guy.....
• the fact my guy spends more time on anyone else but me!
• the fact my parents go out of the way to mak me comfortable!
• im not intrested anymore in life......
• the fact im trying to pay bak suumtimes to m guy if he does sumthing tat hurtssss real bad!
• the whole meaning of LOVE is changed![goshh... hw did i forget this point!]
  
• the fact that i want to pause button my relationship!
• the fact tat i think i might live life move on splitting wit my guy..... cause it was a thought i never dreaded to think abt until recently.....
• the fact i can confide stuff to a host of new ppl who help me..... thanks apu,harini,abhisheik!
• the fact i cant concentrate on studies when my guys fight comes in way..... not only studies but also general life..... get very disturbed!
• the fact tat my guy keeps endlessly wanting me to change...... he always expects sumthing different frm wat i do....!
  
• my wants from my guy......
• the fact tat i don know if i can b the same wit my bro.... aftr such a long separation....!
• the fact tat i don feel scared.
• i don feel jittery to feel pain...... when im upset tat is.....
• the fact that i feel a total loser suddenly!
• the fact that sumtimes though i feel the need to confide on sumone i dont simply to let myself decay in the pain!
• the fact im waiting for a chance to make more frnds.... be more in touch and not rely on him
  

• the fact that i suddenly feel LOVE PAIN REGRET HURT ANGER all mean the same nonsence

dunno wat to do...... today was one of the most horrible days in the world...... hope atleast my daughter gets to have a better an merrier love life!